Are you a little league parent? 

You have heard this term before, you have even witnessed this parent before. The parent who is overzealous at sporting events, who gets worked up and is not afraid to express themselves (for better or worse), perhaps to the dismay of their child athlete.  The parent who actually yells at their kid for not performing up to their expectations and has a litany of things that their child athlete should have done better or differently. (BTW when is the last time you surfed in a competition or dropped into a 22 foot halfpipe?)

Insert the cringing here. 

We get it. Being a parent of an athlete that is excelling in their respective sport is an exciting time. And wanting to "push" your child to fulfill their potential seems like a rational thing to do, a part of your role knowing your child so well.

But what if your "pushing" actually pushes them right out of wanting to even participate in that sport anymore? 

What is the balance between helping versus hurting them as they develop as athletes? 

The one thing you do not want to do as the parent of an athlete is deteriorate their confidence.  This starts with knowing the difference between being critical versus providing constructive feedback. Too often parents want to tell their kids all the things they did wrong or should have done better versus asking them what they thought went right and what went wrong and allowing them to assess their performance and come to their own conclusions and solutions. 

When we ask the athlete to assess their performance versus telling them what we think they did right or wrong, parents are helping their child build autonomy, cultivate their confidence in decision making, and allowing for them to learn from both their successes and failures. These skills are critical for athletes to develop for long-term success and growth in sports and in life. 

Avoid the comparison trap and non-so-imaginary measuring stick that parents continually become obsessed with (whether you admit this to yourself or not).  

When parents see other kids excelling, winning, getting sponsors, whatever it is, they start down the path that their kid should achieve that same thing. But here is the newsflash, not all kids develop at the same pace, and nor should they.  

Every single athlete runs their race at their own pace. I repeat, every single athlete runs their race at their own pace. Meaning, you need to adjust your expectations as parent, because it just might be that your child athlete might need more time to develop to reach certain milestones. AND THAT IS OK!

One of the worst things you can do is push your child athlete to where they are taking un-calculated risks versus calculated risks because they feel pressure.  When athletes begin to win consistently it is because their emotional, mental, and physical states are cultivated and are in alignment.  So this is where your focus should be as a parent, providing the unconditional support, resources, and opportunities for your child to grow at their own pace to realize this. 

Lastly you want to keep the lines of communication open between you and your child. And here is the kicker, you want to create a place that is safe and non-judgemental. If your child feels that talking to you will result in criticism and a feeling of not being heard then forget it, your lines of communication are lost.  

As the adult in the room, modeling positive behavior is imperative. Show them what it means to learn from mistakes, to own your own actions and do better, to communicate vulnerability and fear, and to listen without judgement. 

Kids need their parents more than ever. They need a safe place to retreat to as they put their all into sports and figuring out this thing called life. As their parents always make sure this comes ahead of everything else. 

If you want to help your child succeed and reach their potential, then provide them with positive experiences, let the coaches provide the feedback, and value the process of improvement over outcomes.